THE PERFECTIONIST WHEEL

 

“There is no need to be perfect to inspire others.

Let people get inspired by how you deal with your imperfections.”

Robert Tew

In a world ever more obsessed with image, with not only people "in real life" to please, but now maintaining a desirable digital life as well, is it any wonder that the perfectionist inside us is actively growing?! What is it that keeps us spinning away on our perfectionist hamster wheels day and night when what we really crave is balance? And how do we even begin to attempt to switch on cruise control in a world that drives us forward at dangerously challenging speeds?

It's actually the early hours of the morning as I'm writing this. I know that I'm not alone in this quest for balance as it seems to be the subject of choice for magazine articles and self help books these days. Indeed, the very planet we are living in is out of balance. You just have to look at the natural disasters happening due to climate change and the increase in so many health issues, and it's clear something is not working. So why is it so hard to admit we're struggling? It's almost like a taboo subject to say you haven't got it all figured out.

At school I would sometimes tear out pages of my school notebooks as I wasn't pleased with the end result. At the time, I didn't think anything of it, just needed to do better. Recently I recalled my French teacher asking me to stop that behaviour and it got me thinking; where does it all stem from for me? No, it wasn't demanding parents, but simply a need to receive approval, to feel 'good enough' with peer pressure and external expectations. Things really haven't changed that much now, have they?!!

The increasing need to "keep up with the Jones" (when really who are the Jones to us?) in both a real life and a digital context daily, is a point worth bearing in mind next time you are setting your objectives or complaining about how busy you are. How much of your life, both personal and professional is based on values and relationships that really matter to you, and how much is external pressure? The question many of us face is whether or not that external pressure is valid. If not, you really need to re-evaluate your choices. When things collapse, it's interesting to see who is around to pick things up.

After years of working hard to be the best linguist, runner and musician I can be, I asked myself the question, 'who is really pushing me to create my schedule?' The answer, was none other than myself. So why am I so tough on myself? If it were a friend, I would encourage them to take a break or consider reducing the workload. In spite of the Covid situation and being treated for a series of herniated discs in my back with sciatica, I would say that the volume of tasks I have set myself over the last year and a half, in order to "be valued" is quite gruelling if I'm really honest. I have five languages on the go with various teachers and I'm working on a very action-packed physio therapy plan with regular walks and exercises, plus trying to rehabilitate myself to play the piano again in addition to daily life. I have seen the progress during this period and I know that it will pay off. The thing I'm not so convinced about is the motivation behind it. I do have a number of things that I enjoy and have a flair for, but I think the air of external and subsequently internal expectations creates a scenario where ambitions are placed high on an impossible pedestal, with complete fulfilment always slightly out of reach.

We all need to feel validated and to seek approval at some time in our lives, but I really ask you to consider for a moment, at what cost? Maybe you wouldn't even realise it, but you could well be doing it right now. Quite possibly you are adamant that this perfectionist attitude doesn't apply to you. Are you willing to take that risk and live your life potentially blind and consequently helpless? Being uncomfortable and staying silent is a combination that many of us struggle with, but in order to get to the truth, we need to overcome it. It depends just how uncomfortable you are as to your willingness to take action, That edgy, sinking feeling that you push down when you are forced to witness things that are unjust or accept things that really do not have your true values at heart, is not just the harsh reality of life. We need to be actively intolerant of such treatment and to react accordingly.

After losing my Mum to cancer when she was just 45, I was 18, and then later seeing my Dad suffer with it himself, I realised (and I have to constantly remind myself on a daily basis) that it really, I mean really is acceptable to be less than perfect. To live a life based on false expectations where one wrong comment can result in deemed failure, is not honestly worth that life you are living. It is the small things that we notice around us that can make the real difference. Appreciate every genuine compliment, every genuine smile and every genuine person you come into contact with. Refuse to live your life based on impossible, doctored images and false judgments. Maybe like me, you are not there yet, but even recognising an imbalance somewhere along the line is a good start. Give yourself the space to be you; the real, imperfect and freer you. Have fun on your journey, you're in for the ride of your life!