ON THE HAPPINESS RADAR
Roy T. Bennett
When caught up in a web of tangled situations that seem to spread into all aspects of your everyday life, you might wonder whether it was an appropriate time to try to write an article on happiness. However, this is precisely the moment when it is needed. Until we realise that happiness is a way of life, and largely controlled by our reaction to events and not the actual physical circumstances themselves, we will never be satisfied or content. We need to be willing to fight for our happiness, to enjoy the steps we take to go forward. These include savouring every triumph no matter how small, and having the courage to set boundaries and creating a balance that satisfies our own desires and needs alongside those of the people who are important to us.
Hitting 40, the pursuit of developing the way I live was somewhat magnified and the significance of happiness was something deeply embedded in how I wanted to go forward. Key moments, sudden changes or even milestone events can often trigger a reflection on how things are proceeding. We can use them as wind for our sails or we can stay in the port hoping for more ideal weather conditions, which may never come. We need to watch out for where the wind is coming from, checking out the puffs and shifts, weather vanes or the ripples in the sea. My faith has helped carry me through many unpredictable waters and brought me out with clear goals and a hopeful future in sight. It comes down to whether or not you are willing to try courageously and also be prepared to make mistakes and risk falling numerous times.
Until the last minute, it was unclear whether I would be in the UK or in Italy for my actual birthday, so there was no time to organise a formal celebration. Though, to be honest, I appreciated the quality time with my family and friends just as much. Unfortunately, a relative on my husband’s side of the family has been quite unwell, so trying to decide a date for my brief visit back to the UK was testing to say the least. Flight cancellations at the last moment further complicated matters. Life is so rarely smooth, but the ups and downs can be used to seek alternative routes and moves that previously would have seemed highly unlikely.
In the end, I landed at Gatwick four days later than planned and started the celebrations with a pre-birthday day out in London with my best friend, then had a really memorable time with my immediate family on the day itself. However, the next day I tested positive for Covid and so all my other plans organised for the following week were suddenly cancelled or postponed. As well as all this, I had dealt with a strong flu-like virus only a few months previously, so this really wasn’t the best timing (I know that things can change after 40, but this was a little fast!). But I decided I had a choice: let the time pass mindlessly day after day or reap this occasion and embrace the enforced downtime. To be honest, the first few days and nights were not pleasant and it was quite tough going, but I decided to still keep making essential notes on things that were important to help me prepare this article, attempting to play the piano for a few minutes on the rare occasion I was able to so and doing some basic stretching as advised by my physiotherapist. I was grateful to have been able to do these things with Covid as many have gone through an extremely traumatic time. Little moments of happiness at times like these really can be game changers.
"Happiness is a direction, not a place", said the American journalist, Sydney J Harris. I think sometimes we can get too caught up in waiting for everything to be perfect and ready before we feel that happiness is obtainable. That will probably never happen unless we are willing to start in less than perfect circumstances. As you’re probably well aware, life is not without its ups and downs, and would actually be extremely boring if it were all to go like clockwork. It is the little things in life that can actually have the most impact in our lives and provide us with the happiest moments. Remember all the times where you received a helping hand in a moment of need; maybe you were in a rush for an appointment and a passer-by offered you their ticket that was still valid, you wanted to go for a certain job but the opportunity seemed to have closed and you received a call out of the blue to say you were still on the shortlist, or your flight was cancelled and yet you were put up in a lovely hotel and met some nice people.
Each of us sees happiness in a different way; how would you define yours? What are you pushing to one side that maybe really needs a more prominent place in your life? One evening I decided to watch one of my favourite films; ‘Hidden Figures’, based in the 60s with three incredible African American women and their team, who served as the brains behind the NASA space programme. I am always amazed at the thinking speed and mental agility of Katherine G. Johnson, the mathematician who calculated the safe launch of the astronaut John Glenn into orbit. Katherine could have chosen to renounce realising her dreams with so much against her and the extremely judgemental eye of a racist and sexist society on her, but she didn’t. She kept plugging away against incredible odds and made a significant contribution in history, inspiring countless people and continues to do so now. This brings me to a key aspect of giving everything and holding nothing back to achieve your own happiness: how important is the opinion of others? In order to get something that you have never had, it may involve going a way that those around you will not necessarily understand or like. That is where your boundaries come into play.
We can feel compelled to respond to the images that others have of us and our future and to seek to satisfy the conditions that those around us can place on us whether intentionally or unintentionally. To return to the sailing analogy, before launching your boat into the water there are certain specific checks to carry out to ensure that you can safely enjoy your experience, checking the communication equipment is working well, there are enough fire extinguishers and flares, controlling carefully all winches, lifelines, marine sea cocks and the bilge pump is working well are just a few such examples. So too our inner happiness levels need to be checked and the necessary coat of protection applied to avoid taking on excess. If we fail to set boundaries, we are not respecting ourselves and our own needs and desires. It is right to help others, but not always at the detriment of ourselves. When we manage to get a balance between doing the things that are important to us, taking care of ourselves and knowing our limits, we will not only enjoy life more, but actually help others more efficiently.
Life is not a dress rehearsal. This is not intended as a guilt trip technique or to make you feel like you needed to have done more, but simply to be aware that to get to a place where we feel happier with our lives, some ground work may need to be done; self-acceptance and being more present in your life are great places to start your new focus. Change takes time and the results may not be immediately evident. It is more about living more intensely and appreciating the small things that happen every day. These are the truest expressions of happiness and that make your journey unique and wonderful.
“It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness”.
– Charles Spurgeon
Comments
Post a Comment